In this life, Unconditional Love is such a very difficult feeling and emotion to grasp. Could this be because we have so many judgements and high expectations of ourselves and others? Does this attitude block us from Unconditional Love of self and another?
When we wish another or ourselves to be different from who we were born to be, this feeling leads us to great unhappiness and discontent. We lose the excitement, the feeling, and the freedom that Love brings. That is why falling in Love in a new relationship is so exhilarating! Why? Because our partner can do no wrong. We see the other without the attachments of blame, judgement, or criticism. This Love can be so freeing and electrifying because it is affection without conditions. This is loving ourselves or another as they are, no matter what he or she does or fails to do. This is a learned human response one must practice to Love Unconditionally.
This doesn’t mean that we are blinded by Love or that we have to accept everything another says or does. Being a doormat and enduring behavior that is not acceptable is not Unconditionally Loving either. When we separate the behavior from the person, this frees us from needing the adult or the child to be different from who they are.
Unconditional Love is a choice in every moment and every situation is different. There is not a hard and fast rule. We are choosing to honor the moment when we choose to feel and say: “What is the most Loving thing I can say or do for this particular person in this particular moment?”
This can also hold true in the Tough Love approach, which is an especially helpful tool in parenting. Studies have proven that parents who take a “tough love” approach in raising their children give them a better chance of doing well in life. Tough Love is when we give a combination of warmth and discipline, which helps the person or child to develop better self-esteem. They learn boundary and life skills. We share our feelings, needs, and requests as a parent in a loving manner. We also let the child speak their feelings openly. We learn to compromise. Then, when certain rules and boundaries are not respected and honored, Tough Love needs to be utilized. It should be agreed upon that when certain behaviors are acted on, which are not tolerated by the parent, then fair consequences are given. This form of Love teaches respect, honor, and core values.
Learning to separate the behavior from the person frees us from needing people to be different. This means we don’t blame, point fingers, or try to fix them. It also means we take ownership of our own reactions, trigger points, and old patterns. We share our feelings, needs, and requests in a loving manner. Others are free to try to understand and respond in a way that is supportive. They are also free not to. Allowing them the freedom to respond (or not) also allows us that same freedom.
Unconditional Love is all about acceptance and about not expecting others to make you happy. Unconditional Love is accepting and loving yourself and knowing you have flaws and faults, helping you forgive flaws in others. It is said that Unconditional Love is the greatest power known to man! It is truly our RoadMap to Personal Power!
In Love & Light,
Nancy